#13: Total Recall (2012)

I was really let down from this movie. Honestly I was pretty excited to be taken back to the idea of TOTAL RECALL from 1990. The original was one of the best first movies of the 90’s because it was something that no one had ever seen before! No I am not talking about Schwarzenegger being in a movie because that has, and was, done before. Oh and by the way.. Schwarzenegger is NOT IN THIS MOVIE!!! WTF???

All will be spoiled… yada yada yada… you should know the drill by now.

Plot: So the movie starts out by explaining that there was a WW3 or something that happened and that all of The Americas (North and South) is completely contaminated by radiation and is uninhabitable. What has happened is that there are now two factions: The United Federation of Britain (composed of parts of Asia, Europe, and Africa) and The Colony (Austrailia). The Federation of Britain is where the rich and upper class people live and The Colony is where the poor and the lower class live. So Colin Farrell is this guy who works as an assembly line worker, in the colony, and he hates his life because he feels it is too predictable and boring. So he goes to this place called REKALL (which gives the user the memory of someone that they would want to be like a movie star, actor, spy, etc…)after work and he then starts shooting up the place when the police swarm in. Throughout the movie you start to understand that Farrell had his memory erased and replaced with a new identity in order to protect a secret in his head. Anyways so during the movie, Farrell discovers that Kate Beckinsale, his wife, is not really his wife but an agent to watch over Farrell. He then tries to avoid being killed by Beckinsale and then runs into Jessica Biel. Biel is a member of the resistance against Prime Minister Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston) & The United Federation of Britain. See they want to destroy The Colony and all of the people in order to only have The United Federation of Britain and Prime Minister Cohaagen would rule over it completely. The reason why Colin Farrell’s mind is erased is because he was originally an agent for Cohaagen but then sided with the leader of the resistance Matthias (Bill Nighy) after he discovered the failsafe for shutting down all of Cohaagen’s robot army destroyer things. Turns out the failsafe was a fake and it was only made to find where Matthias was so that Cohaagen could kill him. IRONY!!! Anyways… So Biel and Farrell destroy Cohaagen’s army and kill Kate Beckinsale after the 100th time she tries to kill them. Woo… The movie ends with the audience wondering if Colin Ferrell is still left in the REKALL simulation or if this is real life.

First off… I have to say… That I was just sooo dammmnnn BOOORRRRREEEDDDD!! Oh my word I am not joking here. I mean yeah there is a ton of stuff going on all the time so it SHOULD be interesting right? WRONG! I was literally speechless sometimes because the movie was not keeping me interested at all. I mean I was trying so hard just to keep myself awake throughout becuase it was just a huge snoozefest! That to me is an insult to the film industry. If you cannot keep the audience awake in the film and keep them entertained… then there is something wrong with the way you made the movie. The temptation to leave the theater sometimes seemed liked a good choice because I had a strong urge to watch the original during the watching of the remake. The overall biggest problem with the movie on why it was so boring was that it really brought nothing new to the table in terms of “excitement”. I mean we have all seen car chases before, we have all seen gun fights before, we have all seen love interests before, we have all seen …. god I am bored just mentioning this stuff. God I need some caffeine.

Another problem is Colin Ferrell. The guy CANNOT ACT somtimes and this would be one of those times. His performance is composed of 3 F’s: Flat, Forgetful, and Frightfully Boring. I really don’t have anything to say in this area because how long can I go on and on and on about how Colin cannot act in this movie? Not forever right? I will say that everyone else in this movie is atleast fair in terms of acting performance. Even John Cho who is only in the movie for MAYBE 5-7 minutes, if that, does a bettter acting job than Colin. WOW… pretty sad here Colin Ferrell. If you want to see a better Colin Ferrell movie then look for PHONE BOOTH, THE RECRUIT, or MINORITY REPORT because those are the ones that show off his acting abilities.

Another problem with the movie is the fact that there is no Arnold Schwarzenegger in this movie. I was not really expecting to see him at all… but he still was not in it. DAMN!! WHY NOT DAMMIT??? I could have found a way to do it: just introduce him where Colin works at his fake day job and let him say that REKALL is messed up or something. That took me 3 seconds to come up with. It is so easy just to put cameos in a film. WHY WOULD THEY NOT DO THAT HERE????? ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS A REMAKE!?!?! God this is rediculous. I did notice 1 line from the original movie that in here: “If I’m not me.. then who the hell am I?”. Thank god they put something from the original in this movie.

Look there are a bunch of other problems with this movie that I could mention but what’s the point? I mean this movie is just an embarrassment compared to the original and should not have been made. I really would recommend that you check yourself into REKALL after watching this movie because you are going to need it in order to forget what you just watched. Damn this movie was just a big waste of time.

IMDB Score: 6.4

My Score: 5.5

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