#2: Pokemon That Should Have Never Been Invented (Part 1)

Ok. So I have played Pokemon games ever since it first came out. I really do like these games and I think that they are really enjoyable to play! NO I am not talking about those retarded games like Pokemon Ranger or any of that kind of crap! I am only referring to the games that we all know and love like Red, Silver, Ruby, etc.. (also Pokemon Pinball but that doesn’t count here). Ever since the development of these games there have been some really stupid Pokemon that have been created. And as such I feel that I must display my hatred of these selected Pokemon so that all the world can hear why I hate them and why in the world were these created?!?!?!?! For these Pokemon that I despise, I will pick some that range from Red/Blue/Yellow Version all the way up to Black/White Version.

Ok. So here are the FIRST round of Top Ten Pokemon That Should Have Never Been Invented:

1. Magikarp: GOD I HATE MAGIKARP!!!! Not only does this Pokemon make my fucking blood boil every time I want to train it, but it just pisses me off becuase it only learns 1 FUCKING MOVE! (until it gets to level 15 or so and learns TACKLE in the newer versions). The only move that this creature ever learns in the earlier versions is SPLASH! Why splash? Who the hell knows!?!? Might as well be “COCK SLAP” because neither one will end up doing anything in the heat of battle. It is such a pain to evolve this jerk because you have to get him to level 20 just so that he can evolve into Gyarados. You have to constantly put him in the front, then switch him out for someone with a spine to take out the opponent. Why couldn’t we just have Gyarados? WHY DO WE NEED MAGIKARP??? There is only one reason! If we did not have Magikarp then we would not have this hilarious youtube video: (shown below).

2. Ditto: Really?? Come on. You’re telling me that you couldn’t come up with anything good. So you decide to make a “bubblegum looking blob” Pokemon that can take the appearance of any other Pokemon and become them and learn all their moves. While this is somewhat helpful, it just makes me wonder… WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER TRAINING THIS JACKASS?? It doesn’t matter what Pokemon it faces, it only has 1 move: TRANSFORM. I feel that this can only work if you want to fight a Ghost type Pokemon because Ghost Types are weak against Ghost types. Also Dragon because Dragon are really only weak against their own kind and Ice types. Other than that you’ll just spend forever trying to raise this guy’s level in order to defeat the Pokemon it transformed itself into! This creature is nothing short of a waste of time.

3. Crobat: You’re joking. When I saw this in Silver Version for the first time I just completely was at a loss for words. Not only was making Zubat a terrible decision (because it freaking SUCKS!!), as well as making it evolve into Golbat, but you’re telling me that there is a third evolution to Zubat. God.. Damn… Ugghh… Oh and if you were wondering.. It sucks. Like that was ever going to be a surprise?!?! Oh and here’s another thing that just makes me angry! The only way you can evolve Golbat into this bastard is by making Golbat extremely happy. What level will that be? Who the hell knows! It’s just an extremely expensive and wasteful Pokemon that just makes you wanna slam your head into a wall.

4. Shuckle What do you want me to say here? It’s a rock/bug type that is only useful for defense. Also it makes freaking berry juice that … helps you I guess?? God this is so dumb. In Silver/Gold Version there is a dumbass that wants you to have this Pokemon because he is worried your Red Haired Rival will end up stealing it. Wow. He should have said: “Can you take this piece of shit? I really don’t want this god damn abomination! PLEASE TAKE THIS FROM ME!!!“. The funny thing is you don’t have to return the Pokemon back to him even though he asks for it back. HAHAHA!! Serves you right for trusting me!

5. Smeargle: More like smearing shit on a piece of paper if you ask me. Oh my god this Pokemon sucks. This piece of shit really just makes me want to abandon all hopes of finding bad Pokemon out there. Why you ask? Because this Pokemon only learns one move every 10 levels. And guess what? IT’S THE SAME MOVE EVERY TIME!!! The move is called “Sketch”. How ironic. It learns a move used by a different Pokemon in battle and keeps it forever. The only problem with this is you only have 1 SHOT per battle to capture that move. So for example if you fight a Pikachu and you want his moves, and then miss, you have to exit the fight, then find another one, wait for him to use the right move, AND THEN use SKETCH. IF IT WORKS!!! God what a waste of time! I mean yeah it was a pretty good idea to have a move that permanently copies a move as your own… but you only get that once in 10 LEVELS!!! WHY BOTHER???

6. Blissey: Every single Pokemon that is involved in the “Chansey” evolution stages are really pathetic. Why were these three ever invented? It’s bad enough that you can only get Chansey in the Safari Zone (in the earlier versions) and also in small selected areas (in the later versions), but it is so incredibly hard to level up! The moves suck and the experience points given to this Pokemon are really really small. Wait wait wait… I am talking about Chansey here right? When I am supposed to be talking about Blissey! Well the reason is … WHY DID CHANSEY NEED A THIRD EVOLUTION?!?!?!? WHY?!?!? It’s bad enough those idiots over there made a pre-evolution to Chansey, but we also have to have a Third Evolution now???

COME ON! WERE THEY SMOKING CRACK OVER THERE??!?!?!!!

7. Slaking: I thought this Pokemon would be really cool to have. Unfortunately.. NO. I was mistaken. The reason why Slaking is a huge joke is becuase he is such a letdown from the earlier evolution: Vigoroth. Vigoroth is awesome because unlike Slakoth or Slaking, he actually is not lazy. Why is this important? Because Slakoth and Slaking are so FUCKING LAZY that they sometimes don’t do what you say. You choose a move and more than half of the time the Pokemon just doesn’t do it!!! WHAT??!?!? Why would you make this Pokemon if it is just going to be a gigantic jackass and never really listen to you??!?! Uggh… Once again they were smoking crack over there. Don’t even bother with this Pokemon. It’s hard to level up and it will just disappoint you every time.

8. Shedinja: Also known as a “Ghost Ninja”. This Pokemon can be actually given to you for free if you have an open spot in your party, and atleast one regular Pokeball when you evolve Nincada into Ninjask. However there is no reason to have this Pokemon. Why? I’ll tell you! First thing is that this Pokemon only has 1 life point. ONE! WHAT??? My god you couldn’t have made it any easier to kill this bitch! Second this Pokemon can ONLY die if it is hit by Weather Effects (like HAIL), Super Effective Hits, or Condition Effects (like POISON). Really? Come on. That is so freaking rediculous. The stats suck major ball sacks on this Pokemon as well. Just throw this Pokemon back into the wild the second you get it. It’s competely worthless!

9. Cottonee: I was originally going to pick hopip but honestly I think that Cottonee deserves to be here. Really? A cotton Pokemon? Might as well have been a fucking broom Pokemon! Or even a god damn dust mite Pokemon! You can tell that those idiots over there are running out of ideas. Why in the hell would I ever want a cotton Pokemon?!?! My god. This is so stupid. The moves are OK. But it doesn’t learn anything in its next evolution so why bother even trying to evolve it?!?!? God this Pokemon is really just an insult to Pokemon. However there is one more Pokemon that I just hate above all others (for the moment).

Are you ready for my last one? Cause this is where the shit hits the fan. And I mean literally it is shit! Omg… Ok. Here it is:

10. Garbador: ….  a Pokemon that is made out of TRASH?!?!? GOOD GRIEF!! Why would there ever be a trash Pokemon? You know what he is probably made out of? Barf, Shit, Piss, Food, Snot, Ass Wipes, and Donkey Balls! YEAH! THAT’S WHAT THIS POKEMON SHOULD BE MADE OUT OF! It is basically a garbage bag that is opening up and all the shit fell out. Wow. How amazing is that? There is already a couple of Trash Pokemon available from the getgo – Grimer and Muk. Those two are fine because they are composed of toxic residue and basically sewage. But here it’s as if some asshole forgot to throw away their trash and it magically came to life. This Pokemon should be a monster in a movie instead of in a Pokemon game. At least there it would make sense. I cannot explain.. how fucked up this is right now. I am at a loss for words… AGAIN!!!

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